so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found your dick twin last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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