Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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