I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
