Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
