Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
