..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
