I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
