Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
