he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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