A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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