Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
