I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
