It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is Oprah even human
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
