You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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