I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
