Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well you can't waste a boner
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
