Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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