We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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