I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
