Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
