I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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