The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
