so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
