I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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