I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize