God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need water and some morals
I deserve this hangover.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
