Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
