so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
