jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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