my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
