I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
