I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
