who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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