I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
