This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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