Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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