I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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