one might say we're banned from that church
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
