Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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