Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
