his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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