Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
