My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
