birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
