Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
