there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
