I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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