also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
