yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Michael Bay diarrhea
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
