It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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