They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
