omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
