He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
