are you still at the devil's house?
I think I died a long time ago.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You took a bar mat shot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
