i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
