did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
