You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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