how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
